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LA FABBRICA DEI DOTTORI Massimo Famularo


Michele suda come una fontana e la tensione gli scorre a fior di pelle come la scarica di un fulmine che si propaga sulla superficie del mare. La saletta d’attesa della Double Face Inc sembra un girone infernale, una asettica efficientissima stanza delle torture per straziare le vittime prima del sacrificio. Il suo sguardo tradisce una stanchezza abissale figlia delle mille elucubrazioni che hanno scacciato il sonno la notte precedente. C’erano già altri due candidati in attesa quando è arrivato. Un cenno di saluto, retaggio di una formale educazione del sud, un incrocio di sguardi e una mezza presentazione. Poi ognuno per i fatti suoi ad attendere il suo turno. C’è da credere che gli altri due neanche si siano salutati prima. Ma l’educazione adesso è l’ultimo dei suoi pensieri. Il primo è il colloquio ed il secondo, come sempre nei tre mesi da quando si è laureato, è il lavoro. Intanto si asciuga la fronte coi fazzoletti di carta presi sul treno dove aveva passato la notte, mentre sfiora con lo sguardo gli appunti. Lo faceva sempre anche agli esami.

“Mi dica, lei non è di Milano vero?”
Lei è bionda, piuttosto carina, giovane. Con ogni probabilità è una dell’ufficio del personale.
«Non c’è scritto nel curriculum?» vorrebbe dire, ma invece:“No, ma ho studiato qui.”
“Ah! Avrebbe problemi a trasferirsi qui per lavoro?”
«Cazzo sono già 4 anni che ci vivo!» Pensa, ma poi dice “No, assolutamente nessuno.”
“Bene.Qual è il titolo della sua tesi?”
“La fiscalità nelle operazioni di finanza straordinaria: Il caso Wildlife Resort/Scottish Petroleum.”
“Mmmm, interessante. Saprebbe dirmi cos’è un leverged buy out?”
“Certo. Si tratta di una acquisizione…”
“Va bene così, lasci perdere. Qual è il suo colore preferito?”
“Come prego?”
“Il suo colore preferito”
Un attimo di sincera perplessità. “L’arancione, credo”
“Mmmm”. Istanti di approfondita analisi. “OK, mi indichi una sua debolezza.”
Qualche istante per fare mente locale, poi la risposta.
“Si vedrebbe più seduto ad una scrivania o in giro a contatto con la gente?”
Risposta rapida e decisa.
“Benissimo, per ora è tutto. Le faremo sapere. Arrivederci”
“M-ma, mi scusi, davvero non c’è altro?”
“Certo. Se supererà questa fase della selezione ci saranno ulteriori colloqui. Arrivederci.”
Perplessità, delusione, magari un accenno di rabbia. Poi il treno per tornare a casa. L’aereo costa troppo per tutte le migliaia di colloqui a perdere. Sosta da MacDonald’s: bisogna riporre l’abito buono, a farci un viaggio intero diventerebbe da buttare. Anche all’andata si era cambiato da Mac Donald’s: bagni meno immondi di quelli delle ferrovie e colazione meno cara che nei lussuosi bar del centro. I due maleducati dell’attesa, che poi sono più meridionali di lui, gli propongono di dividere un taxi per l’aeroporto. “No grazie.” Passeggiata a piedi fino alla stazione.

“Puttana”. È il primo naturale pensiero di fronte alla lettera della Double Face Inc. Diverse righe gentili riassumibili in una parola: ri-fiu-ta-to.Una folla di pensieri confusi e rabbiosi, nonché diverse definizioni non ripetibili. “Puttana”. Non tanto per lei, che poi magari non ha colpa poverina. Il punto è che si sentiva defraudato di un’opportunità: chi era quella? come aveva potuto valutare la sua preparazione? Era in grado di farlo? Magari è laureata in filosofia e l’hanno cooptata all’ufficio del personale in quanto risorsa disumana. Rabbia, fastidio, senso di ingiustizia. Perplessità. Poi il tempo come un digestivo metabolizza i rospi che la vita ci costringe a ingoiare.

“In cosa è laureato lei, scusi?”
“In…”
“Lasci perdere, non è importante. Quale animale sceglierebbe tra un pinguino, un maiale e un canguro?”
Se pure talvolta il destino è infame, c’è da dire che non gli manca il senso dell’umorismo.
“Ha mai avuto l’impressione che la sua anima si stacchi dal corpo?”
“Ma dice sul serio?”
“Certo.”
“No, non mi è mai capitato.”
“Bene. Ottima risposta.”
Immancabile la solita lettera di sincero apprezzamento, che si rammarica per poi, in concreto, respingerlo. Michele ormai le colleziona.

“Mi dica un suo difetto?”
“Mi concentro eccessivamente sui miei obbiettivi e li perseguo finché non li raggiungo.”
A forza di parlare con questa gente finisce che ne apprendi il linguaggio. Le domande si ripetono e cercando tra internet e biblioteche si possono trovare parecchie risposte. Così Michele oltrepassa la prima fase di selezione.

“Mi dica, ma lei non crede di essere troppo qualificato per questo lavoro?”
“No, non direi. In fondo credo di avere i requisiti…” dice con sorriso e tono pacato, ma il cuore tuona: «e certo che sono troppo qualificato, ma che devo dirti? Che ho consumato la liquidazione di mio padre in viaggi verso fantomatiche filosofe del cavolo, che ad ogni incontro mi trovano inadatto senza capire nulla di quello so o che potrei fare? Ripiego sperando di poter cominciare a lavorare prima dell’età della pensione.»
Niente da fare. Stando alle lettere di stima che immancabilmente fioccano in posta, sembra che quando non è carente nei requisiti non è idoneo per eccesso di qualificazioni. Ma che bisogna fare per trovare un posto? Prostituirsi?

“Certo, la sua preparazione appare un po’ teorica…”
“Guardi che sono pronto ad imparare, magari un periodo di prova.”
È fatta, dove non ha potuto la laurea, né il master, né gli anni di pratica nel sostenimento di colloqui è giunto l’immancabile politico di paese.
“A questo ragazzo qua, dobbiamo trattarlo bene, ci siamo capiti?”
Così Michele è impiegato, precario, ma retribuito. Tra pacco di fotocopie e un caffè portato ai superiori meno istruiti e capaci di lui passa le sue giornate pensando alla riconoscenza eterna che dovrà al politicante. Poi la nausea e lo sconforto passano e la voglia di mandare tutti a quel paese si sfoga nel desiderio di riscatto. Allora internet, job search, head hunting. Audiocassette in macchina sulla strada del lavoro per aggiornare l’inglese. Navigazione, aggiornamento e formazione.
“Un giorno me ne andrò da qui” dice alla madre tutti i giorni. Poi ogni giorno finisce, ma non importa. Non è ancora troppo tardi. Non sarà mai troppo tardi finché non deciderà di rinunciare. A sentirlo quando parla c’è da credere che alla fine quel giorno arrivi davvero.


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