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NON PORTAVO I PAMPERS di Timo Brunke


Io non sono un uomo nel vero senso della parola
Io sono un perdente, lo vedete guardandomi.
Ben presto rimasi impantanato nel fango
sulla strada della mia felicità.
Per questo, anche più tardi, mi è andato tutto storto.
Il mio orgoglio, il mio denaro, la mia fortuna, il mio lavoro –
Tutto perduto.

Ora, se questo vi interessa davvero,
ve lo rivelo –
ora, se questo davvero vi interessa,
bene, vi dirò il motivo
per cui sono un perdente:
da bambino non portavo i Pampers.

Voi tutti sapete già
quanto fanno bene i Pampers:
Pampers è calore
Pampers è benessere
Pampers è la felicità!

E voi tutti conoscete dalla pubblicità
quanto sono cattivi i pannolini tradizionali:
avvolgono le cosciotte dei bambini
e gli provocano rosse striaturine.
Senza assorbirla
fanno ristagnare l’orina!

I pannolini Pampers: unisex.
Sapete bene di cosa parlo:
con fini e sottili bande di gomma,
perché il pannolino non si apra,
un benefico effetto-pacchetto.
I pannolini Pampers con il filantropico
“strato esterno traspirante,
che lascia arrivare aria fresca sulla pelle del bambino”.
Con il suo tessuto olezzoso,
con la sua stoffa simile a vello e rilucente come madreperla,
al cui interno è adattato
il serbatoio d’ovatta
in attesa d’innocenti escrementi.

Tutto ciò
Mi fu anzitempo sottratto:
portavo sul sedere l’anonimo
prodotto della concorrenza.

Ciò che è peggio del mio destino:
è che sarebbe potuta andare diversamente:
io avevo avuto accesso ai Pampers
come nessun altro,
io ero predestinato ai Pampers
ero persino un privilegiato dei Pampers
infatti ero il bambino scelto per la pubblicità,
dovevate vedermi! il lattante in televisione
a fare la pubblicità per i Pampers.
Provate ad immaginarvelo,
avevo persino una mia mamma-pampers
eravamo in quattro
due mamme-pampers e due bebè
proprio la mia era una mamma-pampers snaturata
fu lei a dire alle altre mamme-pampers:
“Prendete lui per i pannolini dell’altra marca!”

Oh mamma-pampers snaturata!
Ancora oggi mi rivedo
i vecchi filmini
e ancora non riesco a comprendere:
mi hai versato stille di glicerina colorata
sul popò,
dovevano essere gocce di pipì!
Tu mi hai esposto con fredda compassione
alla massa
Tu, semplicemente, non mi hai asciugato
prima che la cinepresa
cogliesse tutta la miseria!
Tu mi hai lasciato strillare
sul fasciatoio
svantaggiato com’ero
poiché giacevo con il mio culo bagnato
ero lo sfortunato pisciasotto rinomato in tutto il mondo
il fradicialetto dei pannolini tradizionali

No, nessun perdono, perché
sapevi cosa stavi facendo
quando a un altro bambino
facesti la grazia dei Pampers,
a un altro bambino, la star dei pannolini.
Ehi! Bambino-pampers, star dei pannolini!
Lo so che siedi qui, da qualche parte nella sala
E sei felice della tua vita –

E poiché questo vi interessa davvero
allora ve lo rivelo –
il motivo per cui oggi porto i pampers:
sul water ci posso stare proprio tanto,
ora, io credo che,
arrivi pure tardi, io credo
che giustizia debba essere fatta.

E poi ancora oggi mi alzo spaventato
e sogno tremendamente
che – pisselpipasselpi – un surrogato del succo di mela
mi scorre attraverso le pisselpi–fenditure – pischelpipassel –
e fra le bande elastiche e – pisselpipasselpi –
e la pelle di bambino – pisselpipassel –
Allora – rischelraschelri – apro velocemente
– rischelriraschel – le – rischelri-fasce adesive
del mio pampers e – rischelraschelri –
stringo il mio pampers con più decisione!

Proprio te cerco, mamma-pampers snaturata,
quando ti trovo,
ti affronterò,
ci puoi giurare!
Mamma-pampers snaturata, senti
– rischelraschelri
rischelri – senti
frusciare i miei pampers..?.


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