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“CURSORI” di Valerio Neri


Pubblichiamo alcune pagine tratte da “Cursori” di Valerio Neri (Editori Riuniti, Roma)
che vogliamo segnalare ai lettori per la scelta linguistica – piuttosto inattuale – e la conseguente intensità del risultato letterario.

(dal capitolo 13 di Cursori)

Mangiavo molto poco e atterrivo con ciò nonna e mamma. Il pediatra cercava di spaventarmi con la minaccia di iniezioni linguali, se non mi fossi sforzato a tavola. Ci provai, ma i risultati finirono sul tappeto del salotto e zampilli variopinti raggiunsero il velluto del divano, con esiti inobliabili.
Mi sarebbe piaciuto divorare le pietanze secondo i sogni di nonna e i modi di Ciro, che per la strada trangugiava la cirioletta romana, enfiata di proteine e baffuta di cicoria.
Lo guardavo con invidia progredire all’annichilimento dello spuntino e fare lo sguardo del ruminante: quello speciale, che aveva la gente in trattoria, soprattutto se sola, sollevata dal dovere della conversazione; uno sguardo di occhi che non vedono o che, incapaci di non vedere, lo fanno con negligenza, sapendo che più sopra, nell’intimo del neurocranio, la mente è poco attenta alle visioni: tutta raccolta nel giòlito mascellare e salivoso, che vellica l’ugola, penetra la faringe, lappa l’esofago, trabocca e inonda lo stomaco; uno sguardo misterioso che dava ai visi, anche ai più noti, un’espressione sconosciuta, simile a quella del sonno: quando ogni lineamento pareva catturato da una morte finta, da una malia estraniante.
Invidiavo l’abbandono prono all’ingollamento e il sogno che dava: un felice consistere di tutta la persona nell’oralità della deglutizione; sogno da celenterato, tutto bocca, tutto viscere digestivo; solo tubo: a cetriolo, come l’olotùria, che avevo visto disegnata nel libro di scuola. Però anche come un rondone appena sgusciato dall’uovo: vescichetta rosa e panciuta, solo dotata di becco, ma ad articolazione mascellare doppia, capacissimo nello spalancamento.
Non riuscivo ad affidarmi alla digestione; anzi temevo quello che mangiavo e tormentavo lungamente il boccone, come volessi finire la belva che in esso si celava e che, se solo ferita, appena acciaccata, si sarebbe fatta più pericolosa. Nello stesso tempo specillavo il bolo masticatorio con la lingua, cercandovi la magagna, sempre ipotizzata: ossicino aguzzo che fosse o sverza di stecchino, comunque atto a bucarci l’interiora. Delibavo anche, attentamente, il gusto, cercandovi un indizio di putrescenza, solo in mancanza del quale deglutivo, badando pure che il biascicato proditorio, reso abnorme di saliva, non mi s’ingargarozzasse nella laringe, a soffocarmi. Ma poi ingolato il boccone, ne perdevo il controllo e quello si poteva vendicare liberamente, suscitandomi il mal madrone.
Preferivo bere, forse perché il liquido fluiva senza perdere la propria unità e apparenza fenomenica e non dovevo attaccarlo come i solidi e dividerlo a pezzi con i denti. Immettevo i liquidi in me, secondo la stessa forma con cui li trovavo fuori di me; e ancora da me li vedevo uscire nella medesima apparenza: appena colorati, ma in sostanza inconcussi, salvi. Non così la coscia di pollo, il vago d’uva: essi annichilivano e quanto da me ne usciva alla fine del processo, spesso con l’esortazione medicale di un potente lassativo, erano sibili gassosi e venti fetidi, nel diguazzo di una poltiglia orrorosa.
I rondoni no, loro ingollavano qualsivoglia aeroboccone non pungitivo e dalle api discriminavano i fuchi, riconosciuti a volo, dalla mutria superba d’inermi pecchioni. Il trattato riferiva che arrivavano a catturare migliaia di prede ogni giorno: insetti, ma anche piccoli ragni che il vento rapinava alla ragnatela e balestrava nel seno, con l’iridescente capellatura di filamenti, che li faceva assomigliare a minutissime comete. E avevo visto i rondoni anche bere, mangiando: in un tutto fulmineo e deglutitorio che io, al contrario, evitavo per minacciosissimo. Fu presso un mulino ad acqua, servito da una bellissima gora, le cui prode non erano state ancora cementificate, secondo la moda scellerata in auge negli anni appresso; ma si diversavano in un eden rigoglioso di erbe terrìcole e acquatiche, tife e càrici rigonfi, pennacchi e giunchine; solo discriminate, in cresta all’argine, dal piccolo sentiero che percorrevo nella mia escursione. Sull’acqua, tra ranuncoli, nontiscordardimé e l’erba scopina, cacciavano le libellule e nell’umida calura si addensava ogni specie di organismo igròfilo; ma io rimanevo affascinato dai gèrridi, che camminavano sull’acqua, ondìvaghi, a scatti velocissimi. Pattinavano su lunghe zampe capillari, increspando appena l’acqua, che sembrava viva, anch’essa animale e in tensione, come la pelle di un cavallo o di un bue, sotto l’azione del tafano; quasi che il gèrride le facesse il solletico. E mi stavo chiedendo se la bevessero, l’acqua, oltre che camminarla, quando uno di essi, al centro del canale, cadde nella fòvea di un rondone in caccia. Mi voltai d’istinto e vidi il predatore risalire la gora con volo appena vibrato, poi accelerare di scatto, al guizzo dell’eteròttero in fuga, abboccandolo come un agnolotto in brodo, col becco a cucchiaio.
Rimasi molto stupito avendo creduto, fino ad allora, che i rondoni catturassero solo prede volastre e non anche àtteri a bagnomaria; ma era giugno, tempo di schiusa e sotto i coppi le nidiate attendevano per trenta, quaranta volte al giorno l’imbeccata e ogni bolo salivoso, spartito all’avida figliolanza, era una gramolata di centinaia e centinaia di piccoli corpi, predati ove che sia, nella caccia continua e defatigante dei genitori.
Pensavo che dovesse essere una grande soddisfazione per una madre, ma anche per un padre, avere un figlio mangione, che ne riempisse la vita, con il vuoto incolmabile delle sue budella. Le mamme dei miei coetanei, più divoratori, si mostravano spazientite dall’inesausta appetenza dei figli loro, ma si vedeva che era commedia, impostura; esalavano invece eccitazione da ogni poro e se: “Non te ne do più, dicevano, sei senza fondo!” sotto le vesti, inturgidivano ugualmente i capezzoli mammari.
Mi era anche capitato di origliare certe cose incredibili che nonna Angiolina aveva riferito a mamma strabiliata. Assunta le aveva confidato il suo più intimo segreto: ignorato anche dal marito Pietro e che mai alcun altro avrebbe dovuto sapere, particolarmente la signorina fidanzata con Paride. Assunta, del resto, era venuta alla straordinaria determinazione di parlarne con nonna, solo per il mio bene, per avversare la mia pericolosa inappetenza.
Disse che alle volte, quando Pietro era di turno a sfacchinare e Paride si metteva a tavola, legandosi al collo la salvietta, cominciando, lento e potente, la deglutizione dei commestibili: Assunta, completato l’apparecchiamento delle vivande, gli sedeva accanto, sul lato destro, spalla a spalla; bene attenta al ritmico sfrigolare delle bolle di saliva, nel conglutinato masticaticcio e, soprattutto, alla clausola finale: il gorgòglio dell’inghiottimento. E come da ragazza, al ballo, aveva cercato di prendere il tempo, prima di lanciarsi sulla pista circolare, oltre la rima del muretto, così allora, muovendo anch’essa, ma a vuoto, la mascella, provava a prendere la giusta cadenza biascicatoria, oltre la rima orale del figlio. Paride, udito che la madre era a tempo, cessava d’inforcare e poggiate entrambe le mani ai lati del coperto, disserrava ugualmente le labbra lubriche, affinché fosse lei, supplente del suo braccio, a perpetrarne l’ulteriore imboccamento.
Così, diceva Assunta, Paride mangiava di più, sin da bambino; e nel silenzio, senza nemmeno guardarsi, potevano andare avanti un’ora, un’ora e mezzo: consumando i secondi, i contorni, i terzi, le frutta e le ciambelle, i liquidi e le gelatine.
Assunta aveva confessato la felicità di quei momenti estremi, in cui inoltrava nel figlio la molteplicità dei sapori, la screziatura dei colori e l’aroma degli odori: come Paride fosse ricettacolo di ogni sensazione appetibile, sottratta al mondo e riposta nel segreto del suo ventre efficiente. Non doveva rimanere nulla di alimentare sulla tavola, capace di reggere alla forza attrattiva e centripeta dell’appetito di Paride; l’assunzione doveva essere completa per soddisfarli entrambi e conchiudere in sé ogni altro possibile desiderio, nel movimento gastrico del figlio satollato.
Solo a quel punto Assunta interrompeva l’imboccamento e seguiva il figlio sul divano: gli aggiustava cuscini di vecchio taffettà sotto il capo e gli porgeva solerte la sigaretta con lo zolfanello. Poi si sedeva dalla parte opposta e prendeva le gambe di Paride sulle sue; e mentre lui socchiudeva le palpebre fumando, lei allungava la mano sinistra alla cintola del figlio per allentarla, facilitando la lipasi pancreatica e l’amilasi intestinale.
Li immaginavo così: saturati e riversi, come in un’oscena deposizione di un Cristo grasso, che si fosse mangiato il mondo per salvificarlo. Ma non mi vedevo al posto di Paride, né mia madre in quello di Assunta; mi sarebbe piaciuto che mamma mi avesse imboccato, ma non l’avrei mai chiesto né, forse, se c’avesse provato, avrei lasciato le mie labbra dischiudersi all’accoglienza.
Una forza centripeta mi teneva rimosso da lei e imploso nella mia massa inerziale; mi sentivo fisso nel mio cielo, come una stella nel firmamento di Dante. A volte mi carezzava i capelli, raramente mi baciava; sapevo che avrebbe voluto farlo più spesso e che sempre glielo impedivo, per trattenerla un po’ distante, appena riparata dalla mia gravità, quasi fosse la mia luna. Non agivo per scelta, non decidevo di fare così; c’era un peso in me, una grandezza invariante, indipendente dalla fisica delle vicissitudini.
Credevo d’invidiare Paride, raccolto nel desiderio soddisfatto, nella pènnica post-prandiale, nella miosi pupillare, nel sonno rem. Lo immaginavo dormire come non-nato: fissato nella perfetta rotondità del ventre, come incinto, tutto impregnato; senza spazio ad altro movimento, ad altra voracità. Maria, all’opposto, era campione di vuoto, già prima dell’aborto: presa in una lingua finta, senza contenuto, ma che ugualmente l’appisolava, la placava. Mi parevano due virtuosi dell’annichilimento: lei, nella ripetizione coatta del medesimo, ad annullare ogni diverso; lui, nella compitazione della varietà infinita, di un menù senza resto. Tuttavia non c’era forma nel loro metodo, non c’era senso; solo rinuncia, solo momentanea soddisfazione. Io non ero come Paride, tutto pieno, né tutto vuoto come Maria: in me sentivo una qualche disposizione di vuoti e pieni, una spazieggiatura, una figura o forse solo un abbozzo; eppure Paride, come me, era figlio unico.
Chiesi a mamma perché non avessi fratelli: non costavo quanto Paride, non ero “da ricchi” e lei avrebbe potuto sfamarne molti altri. Mamma rispose che mio padre li avrebbe voluti, ma lei no: che si era soddisfatta di me, che le avevo moltiplicato la voglia di esistere, di leggere, di sapere e, aggiunse, anche di amare; come avessi tolto un peso alla sua vita. Le era rinata la voglia di partire; non se lo spiegava, ma era così: l’avevo alleggerita. Mi chiesi se poteva mai essere vero e come ci fossi riuscito. Eppure sentivo che era come diceva, lo intuivo: non potevo essere così pesante del mio solo peso.


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