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COME MARILYN MONROE di Tiziana Lo Porto


Nel film c’è Cary Grant che le dice: “Non saprei come separarmi da te, Rosalyne. E questo mi sorprende”.
E lei gli risponde: “Limitiamoci a vivere, come dicevi tu al bar”.

Io non so mai come orizzontarmi. Ieri ho incontrato un vecchio amore e mentre gli parlavo pensavo a quando poi tutto finisce e sei quasi imbarazzata mentre stai lì ad affannarti nel cercare che dire. La strada era sempre quella, il vicolo dove scolpisce il tufo. Lui costruisce lische di pesce con il tufo. Lavora lì, perso in un centro storico fatto di persiane sbarrate e sbiadite e bambini che giocano col niente.
I bambini da queste parti inventano giocattoli. Non hanno niente e però sembrano felici come tutto.
Ero lì a parlargli e pensavo che tutto poi finisce e ti ritrovi in mano un pugno di niente. Proprio come i bambini. Però tu non ce la fai a immaginare. Io non immagino mai niente.
Un uomo l’altro giorno m’ha chiesto che cosa sogno. E io proprio non ho saputo che dirgli. Non ho saputo nemmeno inventare niente. Gli ho detto: sogno le cose che faccio quando sono sveglia. C’è rimasto male e m’ha detto: quanto meno poi non resti delusa. Quanto meno. Io però non sono convinta che sia meglio così. Il pericolo è quello di non andare mai da nessuna parte. O di ritrovarti a ingozzare pillole come Marilyn Monroe. Già, come Marilyn Monroe.
Da bambina sognavo di essere come lei. E allora chiudevo gli occhi e dentro la mia mente ero bionda, sexy e bellissima. Poi li riaprivo, e di Marilyn non restava niente.
A otto anni mi sono buttata dal balcone, a diciannove mi sono tagliata i polsi, a ventitré mi sono impiccata. Non sono morta mai. Tipo le barbie che tu le fai a pezzi e loro stanno lì a riderti contro e senza mai versare una lacrima. Poi rimetti gambe e braccia a posto e oplà tutto torna come prima. E allora pensi: è destino.
Da grande m’incanto a guardare spezzoni di Marilyn Monroe che gioca a fare l’attrice poco prima di morire. C’è Marilyn che ride, Marilyn che gioca con due bambini e li abbraccia come fossero suoi figli, Marilyn che gioca con un cane, Marilyn nuda che fa il bagno in piscina, Marilyn sulle copertine di tutti i giornali, Marilyn che canta Happy Birthday Mister President, Marilyn che spegne trentasei candeline, Marilyn che muore. C’è pure una tizia che a quel tempo era la sua controfigura ed era bella come lei. Adesso è solo rughe e tristezza. Non ride mai. Guardo lei e penso la cosa più immediata. Quasi a volermene fare una ragione. Poi spengo la tivù.
Domani vado al mare. Oppure no.


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